Bob.Jaskiewicz's blog

"No wind is the right wind if you don't know which direction you want to sail," is a popular paraphrasing of quotes offering the upside of setting goals. But which harbor is refuge from the storm? Here's a hint; it's not "out there."

Although it may seem otherwise, even irrefutable at times, clients are simply not all over the place. In a novel way, when we are successful in reading our client's map, familiarity breeds contempt. Not as in the Bible- finding fault with others, but in Mindfulness, finding the fault (in Mindfulness terms, the obstructions, in Budhist thought or metaphorically, the clouds) in the parts of our personality that creates our continuing suffering.

But how to understand the map that informs us accurately enough of the Schema(s) that the client is too familiar with, ego-syntonic beliefs in our language. Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act III, Scene I: "To be, or not to be: That is the question. Whether tis' nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them." Our clients do what brings order and consistency, not resolution, and not necessarily who they are, but what they have become, lost without the skills to read the map.

When our clients either do isolation, domination, or submission, existence is either past or future oriented. Mindfulness exists Now. Life lacks luster, the preciousness of each and every moment is lost, and rather than living happiness, clients look for happiness outside themselves. If only so-and-so was different; perhaps, if only I were different. All keys to the map.

Accurate map reading through Mindfulness leads us directly to our client's schemas in the best case scenario: our client's reaction and subsequent collaboration lets us know when are going in the right direction. Consistent, accurate, relentless reflection to our clients requires the skills of map reading. These skills can be learned regardless of our schemas- therapist and client alike. But, we do need someone to point the way out to us. Mindfulness, as is known is the West, is naive. We can be conscious every moment, like sailing nowhere, or worse, around in circles, without a goal. Can you read the Schemas in these maps?

Schema work, done right, shows us what's on the map. Mindfulness, done right, helps us recognize (or find) where we are on the map with our client, forming the collaboration that heals the longing. When therapist and client both know the map, no one feels lost.

So, how to read the client's map and show it (interpret) to your client? Awareness is lost when thought elaborates, the breeding ground for unhealthy Schemas. We think things and then believe they are true. In one sense, they are true as they once happened, because there was no other map available. However, in present tense, they are perceptions and elaborations of what might occur. The fantasy becomes reality because there is no other map. Corrective emotional experience opportunity in the here-and-now, if you know how to re-write the map.

Starting with a way to differentiate states of mind, and how to do so, is Map Orientation 101. When we "see" the elaboration, we see the resulting Schema. When we can point out the continuity of thought, along a readable key, its continuum from Mind observing (Awareness) to Mind reacting (Schemas) and everywhere inbetween, we begin the process of helping our clients differentiate their own States of Mind with a map that is both readable and knowable. We know the significant difference between awareness and elaboration.

This provides the limited reparenting metaphor of having a different map, one that provides consistency and Mindfulness, going beyond the naivety of trying to be conscious at all times. When you can simply look at the Map and it makes sense, security is instantaneous, direction is gained, and unhealthy Schemas are empty. Their lose their "grab" in Mindfulness terms. This gives clients choice. Then, we help them make the choice that is productive, feels good, is meaningful, and gives the greatest sense of personal satisfaction- knowing one's own mind and reasonably knowing the mind of another

Coming soon, Map Orientation 201....

warmly,

Rob Jaskiewicz

Incipient therapists spend many an hour on case formulation. Too often, a summary of the demographics and presenting problem is reapeated and presented as a case formulation. Utilizing the client's language as an integral part of the formulation- when repeated to the client, begins the therapeutic bond formation that constitues second order change. Second order change is an anomaly to most PD clients. Having to think the unthinkable in a personal world that is driven by failed attempts at recognition and regulation of emotional states of mind makes the relationship bond crucial to moving forward. It is this bond that can help begin recognition and regulation for any client, especially so to the PD client, enough to hear our plea; that the way to sucessfully integrate and resolve emotional states is to be fully present (please see Wendy's blog; she is presently having a discussion of the therapist's state of Mind relative to the client's state of Mind) in a new, previously unthinkable way.

Our (Schema) language is crucial because being developmentally informed- the reason why accurate case formulation is central to relentless interaction with the Detached Protector, et. al, it is imperative to have our language "good enough" that upon presentation, the rising of emotional states and evidence supporting our formulation comes forth from our client. Now we are on the same page.

Onward, I would like to open this discussion to language when introducing recognition and regulation to our PD clients to process feelings and generate empathy when they are trying to talk you out of doing so. Of course, BPD clients are ably apt at recognizing what they are feeling; far too much so. Regulating their emotions is another story. Vice versa for our NPD clients. We address the task at hand; of course you do not want to re-live and feel things that were once overwhelming painful, however....

In my own practice I try to address this dilemma with some form of the cognitive triad, pointing out the once necessary limitations of the client's negative experiences, thoughts, and subsequent negative interpretations and beliefs. When I am prompted by the frequent response of "I don't know," the creativity of developmentally informed opportunistic reparenting rises to the occasion. How to get the client to appreciate the unthinkable? (That) there is another way to use his/her feelings... for direction, guidance, and healing. How are others handling this often decisive interaction when we discuss the need for regulation and recognition of feelings, and create the dissonance between the part that doesn't want to recognize feelings and the part that knows that regulating feelngs appropriately is an integral part of treatment and becoming invested in his/her work?

Warmly,

Rob Jaskiewicz